Ugly Girls Get Cat-Called Too

CHARACTERS:

LUCE, mid to late 20s, mixed race, average

HANNAH, mid 20s, white, beautiful

LINA, late 20s, Latina, average

 

 

SETTING: A beauty parlor waiting area. Present Day.

 

 

 

HANNAH and LINA are sitting in the waiting area

                                                LINA only half-listens, looking through a magazine as

HANNAH talks.

 

HANNAH

It’s just much harder than people think.

 

LINA

Uh huh.

 

HANNAH

I mean, men only really want to sleep with you. Women hate you and blame you for, like, everything. Everyone you date is trying to get back at you for some crazy shit that happened to them in high school.

 

LINA

Right.

 

HANNAH

And it’s like the whole world just expects things from me. I walk out of a crowded bar and I’m just as drunk as everybody else but I get pulled over by the cops. Not everyone else. Me.

 

LINA

Oh.

 

HANNAH

And you know why?

 

Pause. LINA continue to look through her magazine.

                                                HANNAH waits for her to respond.

 

HANNAH

And you wanna know why?

 

LINA

(completely uninterested)

Sure.

 

HANNAH

It’s because I’m attractive. Obviously.

 

LINA

Obviously.

 

HANNAH

Like it’s unsafe for me to walk any where by myself.

 

LINA

Oh.

 

HANNAH

You’re not listening to me. You don’t get it.

 

LINA closes the magazine and turns to give

                                                            HANNAH her full attention.

 

LINA

I don’t get it. I’m sorry that you feel that way.

 

HANNAH

I mean, seriously. I get cat-called every day. Every. Day.

 

LINA

That must suck.

 

Silence.

 

HANNAH

Where is Luce? She should be here by now.

 

LINA

You know Luce. She’s always late.

 

HANNAH

Well it’s really fucked up for her to be late. To this.

 

LINA

She’ll be here.

 

 

HANNAH

Remind me about this when she gets married. Then I’ll be late to her bridal shower make-over.

 

LINA immediately starts laughing uncontrollably.

                                                            HANNAH is not amused.

 

HANNAH

You’re an asshole, Lina.

 

LINA continues laughing.

 

HANNAH

She’s going to get married eventually. To someone. It’s really wrong of you—

 

LINA stops laughing.

 

LINA

What? No. I—what? No, Hannah. She’s obviously going to get married. She’s been dating that same guy for like five years. I was laughing because as if Luce would have us all get make-overs before her wedding. She’s probably not even going to have a wedding. You know what? She’s probably already married.

 

HANNAH

She wouldn’t do that to us.

 

LINA

Yeah. She would.

 

Pause.

 

HANNAH

Where is she?

 

LINA

Do you want me to text her?

 

HANNAH shakes her head and pulls out her phone.

 

HANNAH

No. I’ll call her.

 

HANNAH dials the number and puts it on speaker.

 

LUCE

(v.o.)

Hey, I—

 

HANNAH

Where the hell are you? How could you do this to me? You realize I get married in two days right? Two days! We don’t have time for this, Luce. Where are you?

 

LUCE

Hannah, I—

 

HANNAH

I am beyond offended by your behavior. Like beyond the point of—How could you do this to me?

 

LUCE

Hannah—

 

HANNAH

Like, I always knew you were selfish but this is just…abhorable behavior, Luce. If I could, at this point, I’d get a new maid of honor. What? Are you stuck in traffic, Luce? Don’t you know the city well enough by now to know that—

 

A click sound.

 

 

HANNAH

Luce?!

 

LINA

It sounds like she hung up.

 

HANNAH

That ungrateful…do you what I have done for her? You remember college don’t you? Nobody would even talk to her. Even look at her. This is infuriating.

 

LINA

Hannah—

 

HANNAH

No. Do not defend her. I am always there for her. All I want, literally, all I want is to make sure that my wedding photos look nice. We’re going to look back on these days for the rest of our lives. Don’t you want to look nice?

 

LINA

We can just start without her.

HANNAH

No. We can’t. It’s supposed to be the three of us. Not the two of us. She’s ruining everything.

 

Pause.

 

LINA

So, what’s Tim doing today?

 

HANNAH shrugs angrily.

 

LINA

Maybe he could be our third.

 

HANNAH glares at LINA.

 

LINA

Or not.

 

LINA pulls out her phone and begins texting.

 

 

HANNAH

What are you doing?

 

LINA

Texting her.

 

HANNAH

Fuck her.

 

LINA

Hannah.

 

HANNAH

No seriously. She’s being a real cunt right now.

 

HANNAH angrily grabs one of the magazines. LINA

                                                            finishes her text message. They sit in silence.

                                                            HANNAH’s phone rings.

 

HANNAH

What the fuck do you want?—Oh. Hi. Tim—No. Just Luce being Luce.—Well, she was supposed to—you’re where?—I don’t—what happened?—Oh, I—Um, wait a minute.

 

HANNAH covers the phone with her hand and

                                                            turns to LINA.

 

HANNAH

Something’s gone wrong with the cake. I’ll be right back.

 

HANNAH gets up and starts to walk away.

 

HANNAH

(as she’s walking away)

Well tell the baker to go fuck himself with his problems because I…

 

HANNAH exits. LINA watches her go and then

                                                            reaches for a magazine. Pause.

                                                            LUCE enters. She is bloody, her clothes are torn,

                                                            and she is limping.

 

LUCE

Well, I’m here.

 

LINA

Holy shit, Luce. What happened?

 

LUCE

You wouldn’t believe me.

 

LINA

Try me.

 

LUCE

I was attacked.

 

LINA

Well obviously. What happened?

 

LUCE

Some guy. First he was saying—I don’t know…racist flavored compliments, I guess.

 

LINA

What?

 

LUCE

Like “Oh hey chocolate bunny, how’d you get so much ass?” Or “Damn girl one night with me and your hair will be kinked for life.”

 

LINA

What does that even mean?

 

LUCE

Who the fuck knows? So anyway, I’m like “Dude. Thanks but I’m taken” and he’s just not having it.

 

LINA

Oh no.

 

LUCE

Yeah.

 

LINA

Did the police show up?

 

LUCE

Yeah. I mean there’s not much they could do. He didn’t rape me or anything. And I definitely got a few good hits in there so…anyways, I’m here.

 

LUCE sits down.

 

LINA

Hannah will never forgive you if she sees you like this.

 

LUCE

Hannah will never believe me. Shitty things only happen to pretty girls, remember?

 

Pause.

 

LINA

Luce, you can barely walk. Go to the hospital. Call Ben. Oh my God. Ben. Does he know?

 

LUCE

He’s the one who dropped me off here.

 

LINA

Call him back. Tell him you need to go to the hospital.

 

LUCE

Lina, I’m fine.

 

LINA

Luce—

 

LUCE

Alright, alright. I’ll go.

 

LUCE gets up and starts to walk away.

 

 

LINA

Hey Luce?

 

LUCE

(as she’s walking away)

Yeah?

 

LINA

Are you and Ben already married?

 

LUCE smiles and then limps out. LINA reaches for

                                                            a magazine. Beat.

                                                            HANNAH re-enters. She notices the blood on the

                                                            seat and then looks at LINA confused.

 

HANNAH

What the hell is that?

 

LINA

Blood.

 

HANNAH

Well no shit. Who’s is it?

 

LINA

Oh. Um…this woman. She came in, was attacked in the streets by a cat-caller, and then I convinced her to go to the hospital.

 

HANNAH

Poor thing. He didn’t get her face too bad did he? I mean, that would suck for her if he like broke her nose and then her face was messed up.

 

LINA

Um…no. Her face is fine.

 

HANNAH

Oh good.

 

Pause.

 

HANNAH

Where the fuck is Luce?

 

LIGHTS. THE END.

 

 

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